sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
