Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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