her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
