Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The struggles of a small town man whore
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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