he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's like iHOP with fire
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
