why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
