Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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