I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
