Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
