a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
