dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
