Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize