Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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