You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
