he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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