so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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