I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
