Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
