I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
