Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's blow job season.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
