The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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