Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
