I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
