Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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