Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
