one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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