make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
