How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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