happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
