all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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