Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
