plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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