I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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