All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
