dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
