bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
