thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
