a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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