I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
