Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
