so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think I just sharted jello shots
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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