Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
