Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
