No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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