When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
