Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
