barbara walters just said penis...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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