I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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