why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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