I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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