At least make sure they are 18
Why
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
