I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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