Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize