What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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