K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
