All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
