): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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