there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize