we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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