I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
