Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize