Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
