the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize