I feel like abortions should bother me more
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
