As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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