You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
