I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
