dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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