the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
