and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
