I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
