that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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