A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
