It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
