she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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