No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
