I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
