So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We need a shit load of segways right now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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