On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
