Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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