I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
