I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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