ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
