Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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