You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
