dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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