Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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