When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
