Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
