Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
