My friends, they love my intelligence
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
