My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
