just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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