I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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