I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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