First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
