Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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