By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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