shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
