somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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