singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
