I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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