seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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