Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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