i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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