What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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