Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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