Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
