Having a random hookup so left but love u
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
