If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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