remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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