these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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