My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
