i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize