defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
