dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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