SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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