OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
