can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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