We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you didnt know i had herpes?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
