You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
