And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
