Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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