textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
