Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
