Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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