I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
