i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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